My friend shared with me after just how stress-provoking this new relationship has become. Where uncertainty is king after a few weeks, they have officially entered that awkward phase, and I’m certain each member of the couple is spending a great deal of time talking about the relationship with their respective friends. Oh, the drama that new love brings!
The start of a brand new relationship is frightening because you do not actually know the man you are dating, so you can not be sure what you’re going to get. Put simply, you are buying a relationship based only on faith, or your hope this new person will be good for you. But let us all acknowledge what a threat it’s to start falling in love! Is it possible to imagine taking a thousand dollars and putting it into a stock that you just don’t understand about? If you just understood a few details about the business you’re investing in, you had probably decide not to invest in it. Why? Because it would feel overly dangerous.
Yet in relationships, the pull toward a new lover is so strong that it feels as if you don’t have a choice at all. If you like the person and desire to really get to know them better, you have no option but to carry on. The stakes feel so high because you can wind up attaching quite quickly to someone new, despite the fact that you don’t know that person well enough to understand if it is not truly dangerous to trust her or him. The reality is that of attaching the process happens much quicker compared to procedure for getting to know someone on a level that is truly deep. If only we could slow our hearts down so that we’re able to protect ourselves better from possibility harm, right?
I suddenly got so caught up in writing about love quotes that was new that I nearly forgot that we actually do have control over how quickly we attach to someone new. Certainly, hormones are at work and there is the undeniable thrill of the first touch or kiss with someone you’re mad brought to, but that doesn’t mean that we, in turn, have to carjack someone, head to Vegas, and get married in a cheesy chapel on the first night.
Although urge may be strong to spend all of your time with your new love interest and hop in the sack to seal the deal and – finally – relieve your extreme curiosity, we’re supposed to be adults now, or highly developed individuals that come fully loaded with frontal lobes that enable us to plan and make good decisions. The actual aim becomes slowing down in the midst of the sexual- move with a healthy care and emotional storm of new love to collect our thoughts.
Below, I’ll give you a number of bits of advice to enable you to start a brand new relationship more carefully and control your stress.
Don’t even let yourself think this manner. You must relax and keep your expectations as realistic as possible – knowing full well how hard that would be to do.
Rule # 2: Don’t jump into bed too quickly. For those of you (I am guessing more than 95%) who are not waiting for marriage to consummate the relationship, don’t get flat until you have had, at least, several dates. Trust me: this way you’ll find out how emotionally compatible you are before you let you hormones and sex take over.
Rule # 3: Your family and friends must not meet the person you’re dating until a solid month of relationship – and dating without any red flags. If you have been dating several weeks but have seen some areas of concern, take a supplementary month to really get to know your brand-new love interest better so that you can determine if he/she will really make the grade.
Rule # 4: Use what mental health professionals call “self-chat” or what everyone else calls “mantras” to keep your eye on the bigger picture when the burgeoning closeness makes you concerned. Tell yourself small matters (either mentally or on notes you leave around your house) to soothe yourself, such as, “Focus on whether you like him, not whether he likes you,” or “If it is intended to be, she will call; if not, I Will have more energy to look for another person.”
No, relationships aren’t difficult for the uncertainty of falling for someone is challenging for everyone to manage and anyone. But giving yourself sufficiently interview the individual you’re considering time and slowing down will function as the greatest insurance policy you could purchase!